neena's recent post came as a shrill whistle violently jerking me from an unnoticed slumber. "HOW DARE I SETTLE FOR LESS?" my mind screams. For wasn't I made for the stars? Isn't my creator mightiest of all? Am I actually saying He's impotent? 'Cause that's what I'm saying everytime I settle for what's not best.
When was the last time I asked Him to move mountains? To silence demons, to raise from the abyss? When was the last time I asked and confidently expected from my father? When did I stop badgering Him for His promises? Why in the world have I allowed myself to believe in my own lies (my self worth, the things i think i would be incapable of doing) instead of taking Him for His Word?
i'm more of a fool than i ever thought i was. Refusing my father's hands to work on me because I stopped expecting Him to do so -- essentially castrating my God on my life as I've settled on what I see in everyday. I call those who turn their backs on Him as imbeciles while I'm here satisfied with scraps when I'm invited at an honored place at His table. I've known myself a liar all my life, and I actually allowed myself to believe in my own propaganda.
I can't wait for You to bring me to my knees and raise my head to the heavens, Abba.